19 sep A reflection
I guess every beautiful love affair comes to an end one day. No matter how much our ego’s would like to keep holding on to the one thing that brought us so much joy, growth and happiness…and almost start to identify with the object of affection…whether it is a man, a job or a little village on an island called Bali. But when the time comes for you to change or leave something you have outgrown or that is no longer serving you, the universe Will make you feel so uncomfortable that you Will eventually have no choice but to choose differently. Something I experienced many times before. Not feeling able to stick to commitments I made earlier on when present energies told me otherwise. The more I respect that little whisper and choose its wisdom over the voice of my rational mind, the more life flows in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. I learned to trust no matter the amount of grief I would have to go through consequently. Knowing. Feeling. That I am not a woman who loves or commits half-heartedly.
Over the last couple of years I therefore cut away houses, jobs, lovers. Everything that felt out of alignment. However, during this time there always seemed to be one stable love affair: my love for Ubud, Bali.
This safe haven I like(d) to call my second home changed me in so many ways. Opened me up to my creativity. Woke me up to who I really am. Helped me letting go of conditioning and societal expectations.
On our last encounter, Last november I all of a sudden took a flight back to Holland because of the death of my grandfather. In the chaotic mess of the (possible) explosion of a vulcano I decided to leave the island of Bali after three intense months. Feeling that our little love affair would come to an ending soon. But that one more short visit in 2018 was needed to close a chapter. Myself. Before an island -that either calls you or kicks you out – would do it for me.
I needed to look into some eyes, hug some hugs, kiss some kisses, speak and hear some words, touch the ground of this sacred land barefoot once more and say Thank you. Thank you for the 7 lifechanging trips over the last 7 years. Because of you I Will never be the Same anymore. The woman leaving on a plane back to Holland today – for the first time two weeks earlier than planned…(because when it’s done it’s done..) – is not the same girl you first met in 2011.